Turnabout is Fair Play
by Castling
Summary: Castle's view of the events at the end of "Countdown."


Turnabout is Fair Play

_ Ok, so I was watching _Countdown_ and realized that there were some parallels between the end of that episode and the end of Season 2. They hadn't built it up as much, but here's Castle, obviously about ready to say something important, and then he totally wimps out and gives up. Sound familiar? Josh walks up just a second later and gets very affectionate with Kate, leaving Castle in the dust On further reflection I realized that the direction he came from meant Castle would have seen him long before Beckett did. In fact, it was almost the exact same scene as at the end of Season 2, only backwards. Thus my first fanfic, hope you all enjoy._

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_Disclaimer: I do not now nor will I ever (probably) own Castle. I'm just playing in the sandbox a little._

As he reflected over recent events, Castle experienced again the roller coaster of emotions he had been on for the last two days. He remembered the three times he almost died; that wasn't normal for him, at least any more. Strangely, unlike every other time he had almost died, he was alright with the concept. He wasn't comfortable, no one is with dying, but he realized, both sitting in the freezer with Kate and as he ripped the wires out of the bomb that there was no way he'd rather go. He was there because he was protecting people and he was there with the first woman he had really and truly loved in decades.

As he stood in front of the door to the captain's office, he began to wonder if there was a future for them after all, surely they couldn't have come through so much together if it wasn't for a purpose. With this in mind, he turned to look at his partner. He watched her subtle facial expressions as he so loved to do and saw the pity, the respect, and just a hint of admiration cross her face and knew that she was thinking of Fallon. As he watched her, a plan began to form in his mind, something that would change their relationship forever, he considered stepping across the line as he so wished to do almost every day. He saw her effortless beauty and her soft smile. He remembered her courage and those few expressions he was too much of a coward to try to identify.

He began to speak.

"Hell of a day huh?"

"Hell of a day."

That adorable little head tilt. He was a sucker for the head tilt. He decided to do it, lay it all out on the table.

"You know, I was thinking..."

The slight eyebrow raise, the softening of the eyes, the slightly widened grin. All her classic signs of anticipation, not the mocking one that she so often greeted his 'crazy ideas' with, but the real one, the one that was pure _Kate_. The silent urging in her eyes gave him the courage to continue.

"You know, I was thinking maybe-"

He almost missed the elevator doors opening and the black-clad figure striding out. Josh, 'motorcycle boy.' He had almost forgotten. She was still in a relationship, and she wasn't the kind of girl who would give up said perfectly good relationship just because he had a crazy idea. He wouldn't love her if she was.

"I was thinking I should go home, get some rest. Long day."

He barely saw her face begin to fall, the light of anticipation leaving her eyes, and her jaw tightening worriedly. He pushed past the fresh pain of yet another rejection and smiled, not his usual smile but a weaker one. The one he always used when he was hiding his pain. He began backing away, his smile almost leaving his face as Josh drew closer. He felt like this was goodbye, Beckett was giving Josh a chance. _She_ had a chance at a real relationship that made her happy. Who was he to stand in the way of that? So, he said goodbye. Actually he said "Good night" but with him, it amounted to about the same thing.

"Good night."

Her customary response, but not at all his.

"G'night."

Castle walked away, not looking back until he got into the elevator and had no excuse to not look in their direction. The sight of them hugging, someone else holding he close, being there for her, almost crushed him. But like every other pain he had felt, he sublimated it, turned it off as much as he could. It hurt less that way. After all, who was he to get in the way of her happiness?

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_Phew, hard to believe that such a short piece could be so difficult to write. Well, my first piece is done. All mistakes are mine, I had no beta. Reviews are excepted and constructive criticism is welcomed. Hopefully I'll start moving on to longer fics eventually, but for now a drabble is about as good as it gets._


End file.
